As I sit alone in the room staring into the nothingness, Maria Callas fills the airwaves with her powerful and beautiful voice. It is about that time I think to myself W.T.F. am I doing, how did it get to this.
This constant seeking approval of others. The last time I felt this way, I think I was at school. So why in the name of fuck have I reverted back to that state of mind….
I mean, I can spend hours on the social media network sites, trying to sell or promote my music. Facebook, Twitter, whatever. Selling my soul for a compliment and when these posts are either ignored or received negatively, it is like a sharp stick in my heart, when before I wouldn’t give a toss about it.
Every time I would post something, I would as always be filled with hope that this was the one, every time I would be disappointed and now Solange’s wise words finally makes sense…
“Every time I would build myself up to be disappointed”
It is true, I am expecting too much of friends and family, it is not compulsory for people to help me, even though I do it for others, they are not me. I must direct my attention to my talents…yes, I do think I have a talent to entertain and although people will ignore my posts, my music and what I believe will ignore the Fools Funnybone (which is really funny, I think) when it finally comes out. But I will and I must continue to do what I do for me, it is part of me. I love to entertain, it is my blood and I, like every artist that has gone before me, it hurts me when people do not feel/see it the way I do. I was a shit painter and working in a factory really depressed me, I love the arts and working on my dreams, being on stage is me being totally me.
I do make music for commercial purposes, but initially, I make music for myself, I honestly have 3 to 4 song ideas a day. I record these on a €200 8 track recording studio. Yes of course I wish I could spend a few grand on a big studio and get the big sound those big bands have, but I can’t and I have to make the best with what I have and of course it won’t be the sound standard of those big bands, but BLOW A FUSE was just as good a song as a lot of these bands make.
But, as always, I diverse and now to the story behind this blog. I need a break from the time I waste on social websites, I should be spending on my CD, which should have been finished ages ago or my novel which I say I have writer’s block (not true, just wasting the time on Facebook) or my funny newspaper The Fools Funnybone. I say waste because it would be different if these post made me lots of money or got me lots of attention, but they don’t and so I need to take a step back away from these sites so that I can finish these projects I am working on.I need a break also from the attention seeking ego of me demands and so I will be logging off from all those social sites from Tuesday the 5th of September until I feel ready…it could be a few weeks (probable) but it could be longer (less probable Lol) I will not be on either Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or any of the other media sites, but If you know me, you will realise how hard this will be for the ego and honestly, I do not want to sound like a drama queen, this is not so that people will miss me or that I am feeling sorry for myself, this is solely for me so that I can finish the projects I have been working on. A break from the social networks will help me do that.
My friends, you can still contact me via this blog site
or via the websites contact pages
or the forum
It is time to stop kidding and get myself back to the Freak I was and direct my thoughts to my positive work. Hopefully, the people who do appreciate my work will continue to do so.
Take care groovy people.
Zeek Catweazle 03/09/2017